Still Waiting
by Tangerine-Speedo
Summary: Hi, my name is Lily Evans. I'm in Slytherin, but you know, I really don't belong there. All I wished for was to be myself, to have good friends, and to find love. But one day, I did. {AU-LJ}
1. Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Lily Evans. I currently attend Hogwarts School and I'm a Slytherin. The Slytherins are considered obnoxious and mean, but I'm truly not any of that. My friends are Severus Snape, Alex Ladile and Narcissa Black. I'm considered a rebel and an unpleasant girl who acts like a boy.  
  
My life is a total mess. I have a father who beats me and a mother who left. My sister hates me and my brother died. My brother was the only one who liked me. He died when I was in my second year. I still miss him, of course. He was magical like me but, since he had a good heart, was sorted into Gryffindor. He was the only one who knew me for me, not some punk rebel.  
  
So, to sum it all up, I like to get drunk because it rids my mind of all the terrible memories. No drugs though, no drugs. That's just not cool. For me, I do what what's cool in Slytherin. Always.  
  
No one loves me; no one cares about me except Sev, Alex and Narce. When they entered my life, it was the best day ever.  
  
It was my first year and I was looking for a compartment in the Hogwarts Express-  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
I looked for a compartment, but I couldn't seem to find one that wasn't already full. As I was approaching the end, 3 kids came out of a compartment, talking and laughing.  
  
"Hi! Who are you?" a blond girl with braids asked me.  
  
"Hello, I'm Lily Evans. Who are you?" I asked, trying not to sound nervous.  
  
"Narcissa Black, that's me. Severus Snape, that's him," she pointed to a tall boy with shoulder length, greasy, black hair, "and that one is Alex Ladile." She finished, pointing to a boy with blond hair and murky green eyes.  
  
"Nice to meet you" I said, trying to be polite.  
  
"Wanna go play a prank on someone? " asked the Alex dude, who ignored my words completely.  
  
How did he know that that was my favorite thing to do? But I pretended to be careless.  
  
"Sure. I really don't care at all"  
  
Narce, Sev, and Alex all grinned at me, apparently pleased at my decision. That was probably the best decision I had ever made since they perhaps wouldn't have accepted me otherwise-  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
Yep, the best day ever. I was happy because I had friends for the first time in my miserable life. You can't blame me.  
  
When I got up to 4th year, (3 years ago) I started to show the more feminine side of me, to Narce's delight. I just gave up trying to hide my figure, because it became way to hard. Slytherins started to ask me out. I always refused, usually finishing with the poor boys in the Hospital Wing. But in the rest of the school, people were to scared of me to ask if I wanted to go out. Even the "brave" Gryffindors.  
  
All the Slytherins hated the Gryffindors. That was what was cool. So I had to play along with that. Really, they weren't that bad. She hadn't met many Gryffindors, because they were so scared of my cronies and me. Frank Longbottom was nice and so was Remus Lupin.  
  
Well, life wouldn't be worth it if Sev, Narce, and Alex weren't here. I would have seriously considered suicide, which I do when I'm at 'home' with my father.  
  
But on the inside, I'm no rebel, punk or unkind girl. I was scared that if I acted myself, I'd have no friends. I'd be a nobody. I wanted to be a somebody. I begged to the Sorting Hat to be put in Slytherin, with Narce, Sev and Alex. So for 7 years, I've acted as someone else, a somebody, when I could've been a Gryffindor and could have acted myself. Only if I did, but that chance was gone now. Gone forever. Or so I thought.  
  
At night, I would cry myself to sleep. All I wished was that I could be myself. Not hide my true feelings. Narce didn't notice my sobs, of course. She was wrapped up in her own thoughts of Lucius Malfoy, the blond 7th year Slytherin who was considered 'hot'.  
  
But one day, all that would change. 


	2. The Start

~~**~~  
  
I was on prefect duty, roaming around the 7th floor corridor. It was a cold night. All the barred windows were open on that floor. I shivered and wrapped my cloak more closely around myself. I kept on walking, definitely not aware of the invisible person behind me.  
  
As I was turning down another corridor, planning to head back to the Slytherin Common Room, I heard an abrupt swishing noise. I whipped around, looking suspiciously around me. Nothing was there, nothing at all. Just dark, gloomy, musty walls of black hallway. I turned back around, and scurried off to the safe walls of the Common Room.  
  
I whispered the password ('Mudboilblood') to a portrait of a greasy-haired man with a large hooknose and ugly teeth. I always thought he resembled Severus.  
  
It opened, and I stepped inside with relief. I had felt the "thing" following me back all the way to the Common Room. It scared me. What was following me? If it was a person, why? Almost everyone was frightened of me, so they most probably wouldn't want to follow.  
  
I sighed and gave up on answering my unexplainable questions. I made my way over to a large, green, overstuffed couch where Narce, Sev and Alex were doing their homework.  
  
"Hi," I said in a monotone, sitting down on the green couch.  
  
Narce looked up from the parchment to acknowledge my presence, and then looked back down. Alex and Sev were too busy discussing antics for the Quidditich game against Gryffindor to notice that I was there. I forgot that there was a Quidditich match. Oh yeah, Quidditich was another thing that kept me from going insane. Quidditich was the love of my life. I was on the team, a Seeker, and I guess I was pretty good. Being on a broomstick, flying in the air was bliss for me. It was as good as getting drunk. Just feeling the wind blowing in my face, and my robes getting whipped about made me so happy. Flying made me stronger, gave me faith in myself.  
  
I decided to go to the dormitory. Some place it was. Clothes were everywhere; mine mostly. It wasn't big, just large enough to fit four four- poster beds side-by-side. It was sort of my domain, not the other girls. Their clothes were neatly put away in drawers. I found that useless. Why put them where you can't see?  
  
I sat on my bed, which had my garments spread out all over it. I pulled out my "Secret Book", as I liked to call it, from under the mattress. It has all my thoughts written in it, exactly like a journal. I've had the book since when I was six, I think. Whenever I was mad, or happy, or even drunk, I would write what I was thinking. It has also helped me through life, the book. I consider it my first, and best, friend.  
  
I wrote my entry for the day. It was pretty uninteresting. I just said that I was scared of the thing that had followed me, and how my friends were too busy to notice me. Since writing in the "Secret Book" took the heavy burden off me, I felt I could go to sleep. I leaned back on the bed, and the springs creaked, as always. I closed my eyes; fighting back tears for the sake of my miserable, fake life.  
  
~~*~~  
  
I yawned as my alarm beeped. Hitting it forcefully, I got out of bed. It seemed that Narce had already gone down to breakfast in the Great Hall, since her bed had been made and her make-up scattered all over the surface of her bedside table. I sighed; Narce really was a girl. I mean, I know that she's a girl, but she's one of those girly-girls. The ones who think make-ups' the God of life, and that men are the center of the universe.  
  
I yawned again and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. Another girl in the dorm (I don't know her name) blocked my way and said that she was first because she was 'dirtier' than me.  
  
I huffed and replied, "I'm going to take a shower, and you're just going to have to live with it."  
  
The girl gave a frightened squeak, and ran off to the other end of the dormitory. This left the doorway to the bathroom open, and I entered, closing the door behind me.  
  
Now, if I were myself, I would have let the poor girl take her shower first. I really didn't belong in Slytherin, but I had just wanted friends. Friends were the only things that stood between me and chaos.  
  
When I was finished freshening up, I decided to go up to the Great Hall. The dungeons were freezing. Why the staff didn't put the heat on, I'd never know. Going up about a thousand steps, I finally arrived in the Entrance Hall, shivering. I walked through the wide doors.  
  
The Slytherins greeted me as usual; a brief nod. Narce, Sev and Alex waved to me from the far end of the table. I made my way to them as quickly as possible, because I didn't want to draw any attention to myself.  
  
I looked over at the Gryffindors' table mournfully. The most admired and accepted boys of the school were in Gryffindor. They were called the Marauders. The two funniest and cool guys were James Potter and Sirius Black. They were my idols, sort of. They had fun with life and they were themselves. They weren't faking who they were, unlike me.  
  
The other two Marauders were Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Remus was more of the bookworm type, since he always had his nose stuck in a book. Peter was the fat guy, constantly eating, and never stopping.  
  
I watched as Sirius threw a piece of toast at James. I could hear James say, "Dude!" and spit out some of his cereal on Sirius. Then he dumped pumpkin juice on his friends' lap; making the victim, Sirius, throw a kipper at James. All the while, the Slytherins were eyeing them distastefully. I think the only reason Slytherins hate Gryffindors is because they have no great life, no fun, and no excitement. We Slytherins are made to hate Gryffindor, only because of jealously, I'd say.  
  
Why couldn't I have been made a boy? It would be way more fun, and boys can be disgusting, unlike girls. If a girl did what James and Sirius did, everyone would abandon them or think them weird and creepy. But I wanted to do that stuff! Stuff that makes life FUN, not dull and gloomy, like now. Plus, girls went through a lot more than boys, you know.  
  
When the time came, I got up from the table and went out the doors of the Great Hall, casting a sad glance at the Gryffindor table. What I didn't know was that James Potter had seen the momentary, longing gaze I had made.  
  
~~*~~  
  
Classes were not that bad that day. Not to much homework either, which was great, since Quidditich and my 'thinking' took up almost all my free time.  
  
Narce was really happy when she came into the dormitory after classes were done. She had walked in when I had been writing in my "Secret Book", so I had to shove it hastily under my mattress.  
  
Really happy was an understatement. Narce was practically bouncing off the walls.  
  
"Narce! What happened?" I asked, worried for her sake. Truly, she couldn't have gone any more insane then she was right then.  
  
"Lucius! Lucius! You know Lucius?" She asked me, still quite lightheaded.  
  
"Of course. Now what happened?" I replied, leaning forward on my four- poster to hear what Narce would say. But that was a big mistake.  
  
"HE ASKED ME OUT! LUCIUS! HE DID! HE DID!" She exploded, right in my face. Normally, I would have told her to shut up, but since this was an enormous deal for Narce, I didn't.  
  
"Wow! That's fantastic!" I said, really happy for her. She had been waiting for the moment to come for about four years, and in her mind, a very long time to kill.  
  
"I know! Oh, my, LILY! What am I going to wear? I think Lucius- oh how I love that name- likes plain black robes, but maybe . . ." Narce babbled on, as I just sat there, on my bed, thinking about love and how I never got any.  
  
~~*~~  
  
Well, life was all right, I guess. Narce still had a week until her important date with Lucius Malfoy came. She was stubborn about everything. Now, everything, every moment around Lucius, had to be absolutely perfect.  
  
One thing that was actually exciting for me that week was when I bumped into James Potter on my way to Herbology. I began to apologize, but caught myself in time. I couldn't say sorry to a Gryffindor!  
  
He looked at me confused and said, "Sorry."  
  
He turned and strode away, directing a bewildered glimpse at me. I shook my head and sighed. When was life going to be fair?  
  
~~*~~  
  
I had made up my mind; life was never going to be reasonable, especially to me. Now more than half the Slytherins were ignoring me, as well as the rest of the school, but I was used to that. But I wasn't used to being ignored by my housemates, that's for sure. I hadn't a clue on what I did for 88% of the school to pay no attention to me at all.  
  
Oh well. More time to myself, I guess.  
  
Narce was screaming her head off at me because I had "ruined" her ever so precious dress robes. I wasn't really paying attention to her screeches. I was thinking mostly of the Gryffindors, and of how lucky James Potter and Sirius Black were. They were free. And I wasn't.  
  
~~**~~ 


End file.
